Homeopathic Waterboarding (smile)

Homeopathic Waterboarding
05/28/09 - Throckmorton's Other Signs

The whole post is even funnier.

[edited] Waterboarding causes an intense feeling of distress and panic. Much like using a Nettie pot, I found out. With one of these, much hyped by Oprah, you twist your head back and pour water into your nose while it spouts out the other side, and down your throat and out your nose. This first caused much dread, panic, and a bit of suffocation.

When I first did this to treat my sinus infection, I would have given up my social security number and ATM pin to not have to do it again.

Now I pretty much waterboard myself whenever I have sinus problems.

An Artwork Thought to Have Merit

Thought to Have Merit
06/20/06 - WSJ OpinionJournal by Lionel Shriver

An English sculptor loses his head.

[edited] "Exhibit 1201" is a large rectangular tablet of slate with a tiny barbell-shaped bit of boxwood on top. David Hensel created and submitted it to this year's summer show at London's Royal Academy of Arts. He must be pleased to have been selected from among some 9,000 applicants for the world's largest open-submission exhibit of contemporary art.

Nevertheless, he was bemused to discover that his sculpture had separated from its base in transit. Judging the two components as separate submissions, the Royal Academy had rejected his artwork proper, a finely wrought laughing head in jesmonite. Instead, they selected the support plinth, the bit of boxwood. Mr. Hensel: "It says something about the state of visual arts today." He didn't say what. He didn't need to.

A "support plinth" is a short piece of wood for supporting the sculpture from the back. This one was quite nice, in its own way. See the picture at the above link.

Obama Thanks Himself Reading Teleprompter

The truth about Barack Obama's Irish teleprompter "gaffe"
03/24/09 - Telegraph.co.UK by Toby Harnden

Well, it seemed a bit fishy to me and there was no video. And upon further investigation - Obamaphobes and dittoheads brace yourselves for a big disappointment - I can confirm that there was no gaffe by the president.

Harnden reports that Obama's remarks were a joke, following up on Brian Cowen's minor mistake in reading a few words of Obama's speech from the teleprompter. There is really nothing here but a simple mistake and good humor all around.

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The following was my take on what was reported.

Obama Reads Teleprompter and Thanks Himself
03/18/09 - Fox News via AP

There is now strong evidence that some politicians are "replacements". They have been kidnapped by aliens and replaced with lifelike but imperfect substitutes. (smile)

[edited] Irish Prime Minister Brian Cowen gave a speech at a St. Patrick's Day celebration at the White House. It was the second time that evening he would give the same speech to two different groups.

Cowen was 20 seconds into his second presentation when it dawned on him that he was reading word for word the speech that Obama had just read from the same teleprompter.

Cowen stopped and looked back at the president to say "That's your speech."

Obama laughed and returned to the podium to offer some remarks. It seems that he then read some of Cowen's remarks from the Teleprompter. In doing so, President Obama thanked President Obama for inviting everyone over.

So, politics isn't so hard. Just read from the little screen. Probably this is why politicians have been chosen as the first to be replaced. Few of the public will notice.

Thankfully, the replacements do not think ahead. "Obama" knew that the Teleprompter had just shown the wrong speech. You would think that he would be wary of what was displayed. But, he automatically read what was there.

Fellow humans, the replacements have weaknesses, and we have some hope in our fight to regain the world.

Elevator Lawsuit Safety

Elevator Logic
02/18/09 - Throckmorton's Other Signs by Throckmorton

I suppose the legal theory of "attractive nuisance" is used here. Escape doors are so attractive and dangerous that people must be protected against themselves. There could be a sign "Warning: Only professionals should attempt to escape from this elevator." I have wondered, if I am supposed to escape, where is the ladder?

[edited] The hospital has fancy ceilings in their elevators, and I wondered what I would do if I got stuck. The maintenance man explained that the escape door was behind the lighted panel in the ceiling. It was almost impossible to get to, and the escape doors are locked from the outside. Someone has to let you out.

There have been lawsuits when people stuck in elevators have hurt themselves climbing out or when the elevator starts moving. So, the escape hatches are locked from the outside. If you are trapped in the elevator in a fire? He said, "Hope someone can get you out before you burn!"

It is even code to have the escape hatches locked! I wonder if the glass in the fire alarm box that states "break glass in case of fire" is unbreakable to prevent lawsuits because of people cutting themselves!

I Pledge to Obama

I Pledge
01/20/09 - IowaHawk.Typepad.com
An interpreted transcript of the "Pledge of llegiance to Obama" video. It is laugh out loud at your terminal funny.

[excerpt] I pledge:

Nicole Richie: To give up food altogether.

Possibly that red-haired chick from Spiderman: To be a great mother.

Some d-bag from that emo band, "Fallout Charlotte" or something, that my daughter was into when she was 11: To be a great father.

Demi Moore: To hire only the best nannies... because all of our children deserve a good nanny.

Lucy Liu: To continue working to support raising awareness as a voice for UNICEF and their international nanny awareness programs.

Labels: S_Funny, S_Obama